They said he was asking for trouble…….. as if he had any choice in the matter.
Trouble drew him into its orbit like the pull of a rogue planet. The force of gravity dragging at his coat tails, taking him into its alien world.
For Jimmy it went right back to the beginning, even before the beginning.
When his mother Mary informed her husband Jack that she was pregnant, he became upset and angry in a way she’d ever seen before, like a spinning darkness had risen up from within. He never wanted children and all the demands they brought. Having never really grown up himself, he thought he should be the centre of attention and resented the idea of a child coming between them.
As Jimmy grew, he learnt to keep out of his father’s way. He made sure not to meet those dangerous eyes that could easily lead to a clout across the back of his head or a lashing from that cruel tongue. All Jack could see in Jimmy was a reflection of the worst in himself. This made Jimmy feel bad and develop a growing belief that he was bad. Being in trouble was the only way of getting attention. There were the numerous accidents, inevitable fights at school, and a tendency to put himself in danger. He never realised that he was only hurting himself. Like the time he smashed up all his treasured toy cars in the back yard.
Hammered to pieces, like his battered soul.
There was a desire to reform and prove to his father he was not the worthless individual he had been made out to be. Somehow, he would unpick the “bad” label etched into his being. Occasionally he felt he was making progress, such as when he managed to hold on to a job for more than a month or two, but just when he least expected, old trouble would find him, asking to be let back in. Having once found him it would cling on like the dancing shadows.
They were like partners in a dark art.